


Under the Stars

by LanceyLanceMcMeme



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aged Down Teddy Lupin, Aged-up James Sirius Potter, Angst with a Happy Ending, Harry Potter Next Generation, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, Teen Angst, past Victoire/Teddy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-08 03:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 14,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14685290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LanceyLanceMcMeme/pseuds/LanceyLanceMcMeme
Summary: Falling in love with someone who is already with someone is like hugging a cactus. The more you squeeze, the more it hurts. Especially when you're in love with someone you're supposed to think of as a family member, as a brother.But you can't choose who you fall in love with. And that's the hardest thing for James to know. Loving your godbrother isn't easy, who said it would be? But standing under the stars, somehow, makes Teddy feel like he's his. That maybe, one day, Teddy would love him back.





	1. Author's note

I've been obsessed with this ship ever since I saw this fanart of it and I wanted to try out a fanfic! So here's my jeddy fanfic:)

I'm really excited to try this out, it's not a popular ship or anything, but it's cute. Okay. In here, James, Scorpius and Fred

are sixth years, Teddy and Victoire are seventh years. I de-aged Teddy so that I could have James and Teddy interacting at

Hogwars as well as at home. I hope y'all enjoy:)


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every word that was said is a dagger in me  
> ~Les Miserable

**James**

No matter how many times he tried to ignore it, nothing hurt James more than the words that came out of Teddy Lupin's mouth. Everyone was gathered at the Burrow, celebrating James's father's birthday. It was the summer before James's sixth year. James had been enjoying himself so far. His father seemed happy, they were surrounded by friends and family. Most of the adults were smashed out of their minds, the only one not were Harry himself, Hermione, Molly and Arthur, Percy, Fleur, and Draco Malfoy. The kids were milling around, speaking with both the piss drunk adults and the sober ones, or chatting with friends.

That is, until Victoire Weasley and Teddy Lupin decide to start snogging in the middle of it all. James felt his stomach drop. He vaguely heard everyone congratulating the new couple, but what made James want to cry, was Teddy's loud voice.

"I finally snagged the beautiful Victoire!" And the sound of another kiss. James got up shakily, walking to his father and whispered that he felt sick. His father nodded to him, his eyes filled with concern, and told him to go lie down. James wasn't sure exactly why he felt like this. Maybe it was because Teddy, his best mate, didn't mention to him that he had a girlfriend. Or maybe James was worried Teddy would replace him with Victoire. He didn't know. Abut his stomach felt about to drop out of his arse and his throat was closed up.

It was strange to see Teddy with a girl. Teddy, who had shunned the idea of dating, who seemed almost repulsed by it for four years, was dating a half veela. Why hadn't he told James first? Why not say anything? James sat on his bed, staring at Teddy's bed across the room. He wasn't sure why he felt like this but he felt like shit. James lay down on his bed, his arm over his forehead and stared at the ceiling. How long had they been dating? How long was it a secret? James felt that he didn't really want to know.

He closed his eyes, visions of Teddy, Teddy and Victoire, and more Teddy swam behind his eyelids. James sat there for a long time, trying to push Victoire out of his head and focusing on Teddy without even realising he was doing so. He was snapped out of his thoughts by the door slamming open and Teddy sauntered in, his face in a look of pure ecstasy. James swallowed hard. Teddy looked over at James, smiling broadly.

"Hey Jaime! Did you hear the announcement?" He smiled wider.

James swallowed again and nodded slowly. Teddy didn't seem to notice anything wrong, maybe because they were in the dark, but James was grateful.

"So?"

James tried to speak, but there was a lump in his throat. He cleared his throat and tried to force a smile on his face.

"Congratulations, Ted. I hope you're happy with Vic." He forced through his teeth. Teddy grinned happily.   
"I am! She's such an amazing girlfriend and she's so beautiful and such a great kisser and..."

James stopped listening to Teddy's babbling after that. It hurt his chest for some reason.

"Ted? I'm really tired. I'm gonna sleep. Goodnight." James was lying through his teeth but he wanted Teddy to shut up about how amazing Victoire was.

"Okay. Night, Jaime. Sleep well. See ya in the morning." Teddy shuffled around for a bit before laying on his bed.

James turned on his side, his back to Teddy, and silently sighed. What is this feeling? He closed his eyes, falling asleep with thoughts buzzing around his head.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life doesn't stop for anyone  
> ~The Perks of Being a Wallflower

**James**

James watched from his spot on the floor of his room as Teddy struggled to carry his heavy trunk down the stairs. He smiled slightly and snickered as Teddy dropped the trunk on his foot and swore rather loudly. He noticed there was a slight Irish Lilt to his accent. Teddy's grandmother had moved to Ireland, saying England held too many memories. Teddy had visited her for one of their summer holidays during his fifth year and came back with a Irish accent to add to his British one. James told him when he came back that all the ladies would be after him, and how girls fancy a different accent. But now he just wished girls would stop fawning over Teddy and his stupidly attractive looks and his stupid accent. Not that he was jealous. No, teddy can have all the girls he wanted for all James cared. But now it was time to go back to Hogwarts. James looked at his trunk, which was a disaster, and sighed.

  
"Need any help there, Jaime?" James jumped and turned to his father, who was standing in the doorway. Harry Potter, James father, stood leaning on the doorway, his glasses perched on his nose and was running a hand through his already ruffled hair.

  
James smiled at his father.

  
"That'd be great, dad. I have no clue how to fold these things."

  
"Lucky for you, I had to spend the last half hour with your brother while your mother lectured him on how to fold his clothes properly. I swear, she's becoming more like Molly every day. Don't tell her I said that." Harry half smiled and strode into the room, sitting beside James on the floor.

  
"Wouldn't dream of it." James smirked at his father who groaned.

  
"You're becoming more and more like your uncle every day." Harry rolled his eyes and glared playfully at James.

  
"Don't blame me! Blame Fred for introducing me to the wonderful world of pranking to follow after his father and or me to follow after my namesakes."

  
Harry sighed. Fred was James's best friend and partner in crime. His father, George Weasley and James's uncle, ran the most popular joke shop in the wizard world. James, along with Fred, Teddy, and Draco Malfoy's son, Scorpius, were the next generation Marauders of Hogwarts.

  
"You know, sometimes I regret ever telling you your namesakes were famous for their pranks at Hogwarts. You're turning into a mini George. It doesn't help you've got Fred and Scorpius as your marauder group. Why can't you be more like Teddy?" Harry groaned as he stuffed the rest if the clothes into the trunk unceremoniously. James grinned.

  
"If I was like Teddy, i'd be a boring head boy. What's the fun in that? Anyways, Teddy is part of almost all our pranks, he's just more responsible and less likely to get caught."

  
"You sound so much like your uncle when Molly asked them the same thing about Percy."

  
"Well, uncle Percy is stuck up. Not exactly a great example for them, is he?"

  
"No, you're right. He is a little pompous. He's been that way even before I knew the Weasleys, as Ron likes to complain. But now, we need to get your trunk downstairs."

  
James laughed.

  
"Don't drop it on your foot like Teddy did."

  
"I'll try. These things always have to be so bloody heavy." Harry rolled his eyes.

  
James watched as his father carried the trunk down the stairs, yelling to his wife that he had James' things. James turned and grabbed his owl's cage, his owl being a midnight black owl with bright green eyes named Ace. James loved Ace the moment he saw him in his second year, remarking that he looked like his father. James ran out the door, shoved his shoes on from their spot outside the doorway, and raced down the steps. Waiting for him was his father, his younger brother, Albus, who was a fifth year and a Gryffindor, and Lily, who was in her second year and a Ravenclaw. James turned as he heard footsteps running towards them. He saw Teddy, his hair a brilliant shade of turquoise, running to the family with a grin on his face.

  
"Sorry, just had to check to see if I forgot anything." Teddy grinned and ruffled his hair, the same way Harry and James always did. Harry grinned at him and motioned for all the children to follow him outside to the car, finding Ginny Potter waiting there, shoving the last bag into the trunk.

  
"You know, every year it's always Ginny who gets everything into the car, with an inhuman strength, and it's always Harry who makes sure everyone's ready. That makes Harry so macho, doesn't it?" Teddy leaned over and whispered to James.

  
James let out a loud snort of laughter, making Harry turn to glance at him suspiciously.

  
"I didn't do anything. Teddy was just telling me a joke." James raised his hand that wasn't holding Ace in surrender. Harry shook his head and walked over to help Ginny with the car.

  
"So, Lils, excited for your fourth year? And what about you, Al?" Teddy smiled at the two.

  
Albus shrugged. "I guess so... It's my OWLs year."

  
Teddy sighed.

  
"Tough luck, mate. Good luck on that."

  
"I'm excited, my friend Marisol's sister is being sorted. Mari told me she's excited but she says she doesn't want to be in Slytherin. I hope she isn't."

  
"You do realise my best friend is in that house? I mean, he's nothing like a Slytherin, but his family has been in there for generations, so he's stuck there, but still, don't insult the house in front of him. Scorpius is still sore over being put in there and not Gryffindor."

  
Teddy laughed.

  
"Scorpius didn't have Harry to tell you that the hat takes your choice into consideration. If he knew that, he could've said 'not Slytherin.' Like Harry."

  
James glared at him.

  
"It's not his fault he grew up with a family of ex death eaters. He knows he's not very well liked and all, being a Malfoy, but he doesn't act like one. Scorp tries his best, and even if everyone in his house hates him, he's still got me and Fred. It's not his fault he didn't know how to not be placed in Slytherin because of his family. Don't be rude about him." James glared at Teddy who raised his hands in surrender. James sat down in the car at the window, Teddy sitting next to him, and Lily and Albus behind them. Harry glanced back.

  
"All set? No wands in your back pockets? Can't have anyone losing their buttocks in the car. Any other time is fine but this car is new." Harry grinned, then gave a yelp as Ginny smacked his arm.

  
"I swear, you spend too much time with Ron. Don't encourage the loss of buttocks, especially with a prankster in the car. Mum learned that the hard way after the toilet escapade with Fred and George."

  
James leaned forward.

  
"Toilet escapade?"

  
"Nothing you will hear about, James Sirius Potter."

  
James groaned.

  
"I'll just have to ask Uncle George." He mumbled.

  
Teddy snickered from beside him.

  
"Okay! Off to Hogwarts with you midgets!" Harry tried to imitate Ron, quite accurately.

  
"Dad, neither Teddy nor I are midgets. If you didn't remember, we are taller than you." James reminded his father.

  
Harry groaned as he pulled out of the drive.

  
"Don't remind me."


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy is a tie that binds, and binds, and binds  
> ~ Helen Rowland

**James**

James had lost Teddy in the crowd. Or at least, Teddy ran away from them as soon as they passed through the barrier. Probably to go find Victoire and snog her until they die of suffocation. James scowled. Teddy was supposed to stay with him so they could find a compartment together. But of course apparently his girlfriend mattered more. James's throat felt choked up at that thought. He swallowed and followed his parents and siblings towards where he saw Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione standing with Rose and Hugo. Hugo was starting his second year with Lily while Rose was a fifth year with Albus.

James strolled over, a look of terrible boredom plastered on his face.

  
"Wotcher, everyone?" He said, his eyes scanning the crowd lazily, not even looking at the people he was speaking to.

  
"Hello, James. How are you?" Hermione asked, making James focus his attention back on his family.

  
"Oh, I'm fine. NEWT year and all."

  
"You better study very hard and pay attention and-"

  
Ron interrupted Hermione's rant.

  
"Mione, we barely studied that year, and we did fine. Ease up."

  
Harry groaned.

  
"Now you've done it, Ron. Never say that to Hermione."

  
James watched in amusement as Hermione scolded Ron, who looked like a deer in headlights.

  
"James?"

  
James looked at his father, who was frowning slightly.

  
"Please don't do anything too bad this year. Your mother has enough stress without getting a letter from Minerva."

  
"Dad, when have I ever done something bad enough to get Minnie to send a letter?"

  
Harry raised an eyebrow.

  
"James, you, Fred, Teddy, and Scorpius are the equivalent of the Marauders and Fred and George put together."

  
"Should we take that as a compliment?" Said a voice from behind them.

  
James turned and saw Fred standing there, grinning.

  
"Wotcher, Fred. You ready to wreck havoc this year?" James grinned lopsidedly.

  
"You bet!" He said, grinning mischievously.

  
"What have I done to deserve this?" Harry muttered.

  
James laughed loudly.

  
"Ah, here comes Scorp." Fred remarked.

  
Scorpius was shoving his way through the crowd, his father following at a slower pace.

  
"Sorry I'm late." He muttered as he got to them.

  
James nodded at him, looking at all the adults conversing. Even Draco was included in conversations, albeit reluctantly by Ron. Suddenly the whistle sounded. James looked around, searching for Teddy. The stupid idiot would miss the train if he didn't come back from wherever he was.

  
Suddenly, Albus came bursting through the crowd.

  
"Guess what I just saw!" He yelled.

  
Everyone's attention was on him now.

  
"Teddy and Victoire snogging!"

  
Ginny looked disapproving.

"Don't tell me you interrupted."

  
"Well I asked him what they were doing and he told me to sod off."

  
"You have the same amount of tact as Ron, Al."

  
Fred snickered.

  
"Oh wouldn't it be amazing if they got married? Then Teddy would really be a part of the family!" Lily squealed.

  
James didn't join in the conversation. So Teddy had left to go snog Victoire. Of course. He had to snog his girlfriend. James frowned. What did it matter to him? Teddy could snog whoever he wanted. James turned to the train and marched in after saying his goodbyes. He didn't want to see Teddy come back to the group all happy and knowing that he just snogged his girlfriend.

  
James sat in an empty compartment, soon followed by Fred and Scorpius.

  
They talked for a bit, before Teddy sauntered in, a smug grin on his face. That was when James' mood darkened.

This was going to one long train ride...

 


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it such a bad thing to think he looks good?   
> ~anonymous

**James**

The train ride seemed longer than normal to James, who was stuck in a compartment with a love sick metamorphamagus. Although Fred and Scorpius were with him, it wasn't very reassuring, because they were just laughing at Teddy, who was babbling on about how amazing Victoire was. James sat by the window, his elbow on the windowsill, and watched the countryside go by. A few times, he saw magical creatures roaming the plains or inside one of the forests they passed. It was a lot more interesting than hearing Teddy talk about his stupid girlfriend.

  
James barely noticed the trolley come by, watching a herd of centaurs gallop across a plain they passed. He was barely aware of the others until Fred loudly said, "Oy, Jaime, you hear us?"

  
James snapped his eyes away from the centaurs to look at Fred and Scorpius. They were both staring at James, Scorpius with a look of concern and Fred with a look of annoyance. James noticed Teddy was gone.

  
"Where's Teddy?" He asked.

  
Fred rolled his eyes.

  
"He went to the prefects carriage, you wanker. He's the head boy, remember? Needs to talk with all the prefects."

  
James nodded and fell silent.

  
"James, what's going on with you? You're never this quiet." Scorpius spoke with his quiet voice.

  
James shook his head.

  
"It's nothing."

  
"It's not nothing if you're ignoring us, mate." Fred butted in.

  
"I'm not ignoring you. I'm just...thinking." James mumbled.

  
"Oh god. Scorp, we have to get him to the hospital wing as soon as the train stops. James Sirius Potter is thinking. The world is ending!" Fred yelled, dramatically placing a hand over his forehead. Scorpius was laughing so hard he nearly cried.  
James glared at them both.

  
"If you must tease me on this, I think I'll go sit with Lorcan and Lysander."

  
Fred gasped.

  
"You'd ditch us for the looneys?"

  
"Yes I would." James smirked.

  
"And he's back." Scorpius nodded in satisfaction.

  
James scoffed.

  
"I was never gone. You two are just being idiots."

  
Fred laughed and smirked at James.

  
"But we're your idiots?" He said In a mock suggestive voice.

  
James grimaced in disgust, as did Scorpius.

  
"Oh god, Fred. You're my cousin. How could you even suggest that. Merlin..."

  
Fred burst out laughing.

  
"You should have seen you faces!" He snickered.

  
"What have you three done now?" Teddy's voice sounded through the compartment. James looked up to see him standing in the doorway. Teddy didn't look much like a head boy, what with his multiple piercings, ripped jeans, combat boots, band t-shirt, and bright blue hair. But he stood there with a mock disapproving expression on his face.

  
"Just teasing Jaime." Fred waved his hand nonchalantly.

  
Teddy grinned and walked back into the compartment, sitting in the seat near the door with an exasperated sigh.

  
"Bloody hell, those prefects can be downright bonkers sometimes. I don't understand how I'm head boy. I'm obviously not a leader. And the prefects kept badgering me about the rules this year. As if I knew them all! I only know the passwords this year! McGonagall is the one who knows the rules. Hell, she's the one who makes them!" Teddy ranted.

  
James was vaguely paying attention, more focused on Teddy's face. He looked tired, but happy.

  
"And you'll never guess who's head girl."

  
"Who?" Fred leaned forward.

  
"You remember that girl last year who stalked me and James throughout the year? Ashley Corner?"

  
"No...she's not...is she?"

  
"She is." Teddy made a disgusted face. "I have to patrol the corridors and all the stupid head duties with her."

  
James had finally gotten focused on the conversation.

  
"Ignore her."

  
"It's not that easy, Jamie. She's apparently supposed to be, and I'm quoting McGonagall's letter, my 'partner'. As if I'd let her work well with me. She was practically attached to me in the carriage, no matter how many times I told her I was dating someone. It was pathetic." Teddy rolled his eyes.

  
"Well, at least she'll be so busy with you that she'll forget about me." James said.

  
"Oh she hasn't. After the fortieth time of trying to ask me out and me refusing her, she started asking if you were seeing anyone. I just kept saying 'how would I know?' And finally I was able to get away."

  
James groaned.

  
"I don't understand girls and their obsessions."

  
"Probably because you're the 'irresistible Gryffindor Quidditch captain and seeker'." Fred teased.

  
"Oh and what about you, Mr.'Unbeatable Beater?'" James mocked playfully.

  
"Are we going to fight over who's the hottest Quidditch player? Because we've got fit looking Keeper and Chaser over here." Teddy interrupted James and Fred's bickering.

  
Scorpius looked out the window.

  
"We'll be arriving soon. Best put on our robes or we're eating the feast in our muggle clothes."

They all rummaged though their trunks, pulling out their house robes and pulling them on. Scorpius doing so with a scowl at the green crest plastered on it.

  
"Scorp, come on, you're an honorary Gryffindor even if you're wearing the snake. You don't even have to sit with them." James said.

  
"I know, I just hate having to be in that dormitory and be around them. They all hate me for my father and they're all so cruel and mean."

  
"We know. But ignore them. Come on, it's our sixth year. Forget them. Anyways, there's always a spare bed in the Gryffindor tower. Cmon, We've got a lot of pranking to plan." Fred smirked at the end.

  
Scorpius lightened up at that. James grinned identically with Fred, both now looking like devils from McGonagall's personal hell.

Teddy sighed.

  
"Not too bad. Remember, Ginny and Harry said not too bad to get another letter from McGonagall."

  
"We know." James, Fred, and Scorpius all said at the same time in a monotone. They said this every year.

  
"Well, let's be off, our chariots await!" Teddy led them off the train.

  
James sighed silently. How could Teddy look so good in those robes? He looked amazing in his muggle clothing, but how was it he still looked amazing in those plain robes? Not that he was attracted to Teddy. No. Not in a million years.

 


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the problem with getting attached to someone. When they leave, you just feel lost  
> ~zombieland

**James**

James was not having a good first week. Not at all. The first day back, Fred ended up getting all three of the boys in detention, which was absolute torture. James was certain McGonagall picked their detention based on what she knew they would hate. They spent three hours working for the she demon of the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey. The women made their lives a living hell, seeing as James and Fred (and occasionally Scorpius) ended up in Hospital Wing more than once a week, having injuries from things like Quidditch and pranks gone wrong. James's dad wasn't joking when he said she was a she demon. The women made Molly Weasley and Hermione Weasley seem as harmless as a kitten.

  
The second day, they had double potions with the Slytherins, which never ended well, especially with James, Fred and Scorpius in the same room, with all sorts of supplies to cause disasters with.

  
Third day, Trelawney predicted James's untimely, horrific death AGAIN.

  
Fourth day, was normal, for once.

  
Fifth day, they got yet ANOTHER detention. This time, they had it with Filch, who was almost as bad as Pomfrey. James honestly wasn't sure how the old coot was still alive. His dad and Uncle Ron had told him stories about Filch from  _their_ school days. James wondered if the man was immortal or something.

  
And throughout the whole week, James had not seen or heard from Teddy.

  
James knew he was head boy and all, but you'd think he'd make time for his best friends. After all, he's missed out on three pranks already. It wasn't as fun to prank without Teddy giving them more useful ideas. And James missed Teddy.

All throughout Hogwarts, James had had Teddy by his side, making sure he was okay, and doing well. But the last week, James realised, this is what next year will be like. Teddy will be starting Auror training, and will barely have any time to write. And this made James's chest ache. He didn't seen to realise it, but he was going to be lost without Teddy with him.   
James barely noticed Scorpius and Fred staring at him in concern.

  
"James? Are you alright?" Scorpius murmured.

  
James looked up at his two best friends.

  
"What? Oh, I'm fine."

  
Fred shook his head.

  
"No you're not, Jaime. What's up?"

  
James sighed.

  
"Just thinking. Nothing serious at the moment."

  
Scorpius frowned.

  
"James, I know when you're lying. Whatever it is, it's bothering you. But if you're not ready to tell, fine. But remember, you can trust us. We're your best friends."

  
James smiled.

  
"It's not that. I know you're there for me, but I'm not even sure what exactly it is that is bothering me yet. But when I figure it out, I'll tell you two, so you can help."

  
Scorpius smiled.

  
"Now, it's the weekend. That means...pranking." Fred smirked.

 


	7. Chapte 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And yes, I'll admit, I am jealous. I'm jealous of every minute you spend with him  
> ~Colleen Houck

**James**

James stared at the noticed board in the common room.

  
Hogsmeade.

  
He glanced over the notice, seeing the date for the first visit to the village was this weekend. He smiled slightly. Hogsmeade visits were always a source of fun. Fred and James usually dragged Scorpius and Teddy off to Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes where his uncle had moved the shop to after the first one had been destroyed by Death Eaters in the Second Wizarding War. Then the four boys would always go to The Three Broomsticks for butterbeer.

  
James turned back to the fireplace, where he, Fred and Scorpius (who had taking to residing in their common room more than his own after first year) were lounging around, procrastinating homework. James plopped into an armchair.

  
"Hogsmeade this weekend." He commented nonchalantly.

  
"I saw. Teddy joining us again? Or has he too many Head Boy duties to ever spend time with us?" Fred joked.

  
"I don't know. It's been three weeks. I actually had to talk with him by sending a bloody letter. I couldn't find him anywhere so I had to write a letter and send it with Ace. It was ridiculous. I think he's avoiding us." James said, frowning.

  
"Probably thinks if he gets caught with us, McGonagall will think he's pranking with us again and take his badge." Scorpius snickered.

  
"Nah, my dad told me his dad was a prankster and head boy."

  
"But that was when Dumbledore was Headmaster. We all know how strict McGonagall is." Fred rolled his eyes.

  
They all looked up as the portrait swung open. Teddy Lupin raced in, his hair a bright pink an his cheeks flushed.

  
"Finally! The man we were just talking about!" Fred shouted.

  
Teddy's head snapped in their direction.

  
"Oh, Fred, Scorpius, James. I'm sorry I've been so busy lately."

  
"Three weeks." James nodded solemnly.

  
"Yeah... Being Head Boy is a lot harder than I thought. Anyways, Hogsmeade weekend. I know we all go together, but I told Victoire I'd spent some time with her as well, but the rest of the visit is all good. How's that sound, lads?" Teddy grinned down at them.

  
James noticed Teddy's hair turning a deep auburn. 

  
He saw Scorpius and Fred nodding in agreement and on reflex, nodded as well. Teddy nodded at them and grinned.

  
"Well, I have to go. More duties and a hell of a lot of homework. See you all this weekend." And he raced out the portrait again.

  
James sighed. As much as he loved his cousin, she annoyed the hell out of him in times like this. Didn't she know that Hogsmeade visits were the time for the four of them to just hang out? Now she's butting in.

James sighed. Teddy never really used to cut off their time together. But now that he has Victoire, it seems he does it all the time. Not that James was jealous of Victoire. Nope. He just missed his god brother. That's all.

 


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I'm supposed to sit by while you date boys, fall in love with someone else, get married...? And meanwhile, I'll die a little bit more every day watching?  
> ~City of Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Teddy is dating a girl and the quote says 'boys'. The quote worked well for the chapter so just pretend it says girls instead of boys:)  
> Also this is super super short but I was tired when I wrote this...sorry

**James**

James, Scorpius, and Fred walked through the streets of Hogsmeade Village, glancing at shop windows every few minutes and joking with each other.

James was not unaware of the missing presence of Teddy, but he tried to ignore it, as he was still a little pissed that Teddy chose his girlfriend over them. James knew he was being ridiculous, and that Teddy wouldn't do the whole "Bros before hoes" as the Americans say, but in the back of James' mind, he wished Teddy did.

He missed seeing Teddy all the time.

  
The three boys were making their way to Honeydukes, having come from Weasleys Wizard Wheezes, where they were going to meet up with Teddy finally to get candy and go to the Three Broomsticks. As they approached the candy shop, James saw a glint of blonde hair and he froze.

Standing with Teddy, grasping his arm, was Victoire. Teddy had told them she was going back to the castle before they would get to Honeydukes. Scorpius and Fred kept going towards the store, until Scorpius turned and noticed James standing there with a confused look on his face.

  
"James? Are you okay?" Scorpius stepped towards James, who stepped back without thinking. Scorpius turned to Fred who was staring at James as well with a concerned look on his face.

  
"James? Come on, we have to meet Teddy." Fred said.

  
James took another step back, his stomach contracting as his eyes flickered to the couple in front of Honeydukes, who he noticed were now kissing each other. His mouth went dry as he realized why he was feeling this way.

  
He needed to get out of there. Now.

  
"I-I forgot to send a letter to dad earlier today. I've got to...go."

And with that said, James turned and sprinted off, leaving a confused Scorpius and Fred to meet up with Teddy and explain why James wasn't there.

 


	9. Capter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside and mess you up  
> ~Neil Gaiman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it's another super super short chapter... I've been trying to write longer chapters but I've been so tired and my brain isn't working right...

**James**

James didn't stop running until he reached the shrieking shack, and he slipped in, running up the stairs. He collapsed on the old, dusty, broken bed and tried to catch hi breath and his thoughts.

  
He couldn't believe himself. He couldn't. It wasn't possible. Teddy was his godbrother. His best friend. His family. Why did this have to happen?

  
James felt the tears pooling in the back of his eyes, but he made no move to stop them, letting them drop onto his hands that were clasped on his lap.

  
He was in love with Teddy.

  
An impossible, completely idiotic love, one that would never happen.

  
He wasn't sure what to do now. It would be impossible to be around Teddy without feeling like he did when he saw Teddy and Victoire snogging. It was too painful.

But what was he supposed to do? Teddy was a part of his family, he lived with them. He would always be around the metamorphamagus.

  
Maybe he could try to date. Actually never mind, James couldn't see himself with anyone else, even if it was fake.

  
James sighed, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. He wondered how this had happened. He never felt this way last year. Why was it starting this year? Or had he felt this way for a while but not recognized the feeling?

  
James sat there, thinking about the turquoise haired boy he loved, wondering how he would handle this, knowing his family would probably never accept this, if it ever happened. On top of that, was he gay? Or bisexual? Or was it just Teddy? James wasn't sure.

  
James looked down at his wristwatch that his dad had given him last year on his birthday. It was 3 pm.

James stood up and walked towards the tunnel, planning on going straight to the Gryffindor tower and just collapsing in bed to forget his feelings for a while.

 


	10. Little break from the plot (not a filler exactly)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just something I wrote on a whim because I thought it was funny... This isn't exactly a filler it's just something that happened in the story that has nothing to do with the plot. It's just a bunch of letters back and forth

James,  
Please refrain from pranking so much. Or at least keep it at a minimum so we don't hear from Minnie. Your mother and I are extremely busy right now. At least wait until December. We're free then.

Love,  
Dad

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dad,  
December it is

From,   
James

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teddy,   
Why haven't you been hanging around with us? Head boy duties too much for you? Mate, you better not be going around snogging Vicky in broom closets. Mum taught me that bat bogey hex of hers and I swear on Merlin's saggy left nut that I will use it on you if you're ditching us for your girlfriend.

James

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamie,  
I've been extremely busy with head boy duties, and avoiding Ashley. No I haven't been snogging Victoire. Merlin's left saggy nut? Really, jamie?

Teddy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 


	11. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends who know when you need them or when you need space are the ones who you should stick by  
> ~anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY A LONGER CHAPTER:D

**James**

James knew Teddy realised something was wrong. James had been avoiding Teddy like the Black Plague for two weeks.

He was scared. Scared of his feelings and scared of what Teddy would think.

  
James sat in his dorm, reading some muggle book Hermione had given him. He barely glanced up when the door was banged open and his best friends walked in.

Even though Scorpius was a Slytherin, he was more than welcome in the Gryffindor tower after second year when he got beat up by some older Slytherins for being a Malfoy and a Gryffindor prefect caught them and took the issue to McGonagall, who in turn told Scorpius he was allowed to crash in the Gryffindor tower to hide from the Slytherins.

  
"Jaime! There you are! We've been looking for you for ages!" Fred dramatically threw his hands in the air.

  
"I've been here since class ended. Did you even think to check here?" James raised his eyebrow.

  
"Well, we thought about it, but we didn't think you'd hole yourself up in the dorm for three and a half hours. Honestly, James, what is going on with you? Ever since the Hogsmeade trip you've been distant and space out way too much." Scorpius frowned.

  
"And you haven't joined in on any pranks on the last two weeks!" Fred added.

  
"Look, I've just got a lot on my mind."

  
"James, you can tell us anything. We're your best friends, we won't judge." Scorpius moved forward and sat on his temporary bed in the dorm, one of the vacant beds that he used when he needed a place to crash.

  
"I know. I'm just having trouble coming to terms with something."

  
"What? You're not gay, are you?" Fred asked, sitting on his bed.

  
"What? Oh, it's... I don't even know anymore. I don't stare at blokes and think they're fit or anything but I don't see girls the same. I don't know..." James groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

  
"Are you still attracted to girls?" Scorpius questioned softly.

  
"I... No. Not really. They're nice and all, but... It's not really attractive."

  
"So you're gay."

  
"Oh bloody hell..." James flopped back on his bed and closed his eyes. "What am I going to do?"

  
"Nothing. James, it doesn't matter to us if you're attracted to men. You're still James. Doesn't matter if you like blokes. As long as you don't go all girly on us, we're still your best friends." Fred joked.

  
"Hey! I'll have you know I'm very manly even if I'm gay. I can beat your arse if you want to know just how manly I am." James grinned.

  
"Nah, I'd like to keep the treasure safe." Fred smirked, gesturing to his face.

  
"What treasure?"

  
"How dare you, you peasant!"

  
Scorpius cleared his throat. James and Fred, who were in the middle of a scuffle, looked up at him.

  
"So... You found any fit blokes you like here, Jamie?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

  
James felt his face burn as it lit up a deep red.

  
"I take that as a yes. Who?" Fred joined in teasing him.

  
"No one."

  
"Suuuuuure and I'm a flying flobberworm." Fred cocked an eyebrow at him.

  
"Really! There's no one. Drop the subject!" James knew he couldn't outright say he was in love with his god brother. They'd think he's gone mad.

  
"Okay... Dinner is in ten minutes, so why don't we get going." Scorpius looked at James. James saw he wanted to know the truth, but had decided to save James from the humiliation. He was extremely thankful to have someone like Scorpius as a friend.

  
The three stood and walked out the door, James praying to god Teddy and Victoire wouldn't be waiting for them.

  
But of course, his prayers weren't answered.

 


	12. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah  
> -Leonard Cohen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking this sociology class on feminism and we were talking about gender inequality and I remembered that there are banks that are refusing to give accounts to people if they say they don't identify as male or female. Hey, guess what? That is a gender. It's called gender neutral, assholes. All this stuff about transphobia and LGBT phobia and all this shit is pissing me off. I'm moving to Switzerland. They're cool with LGBT stuff (except adoption. Seriously, Switzerland?) Bon voyage, my petite croissants. I am out.

**James**

James fidgeted in his seat at the Gryffindor Great Hall table. Normally, he'd be fine and comfortable, shovelling food into his mouth and making jokes with Scorpius and Fred, but today, it was just uncomfortable.

Teddy and Victoire were right across from him, making googly eyes and feeding each other. Honestly, James wasn't sure how he was keeping his stomach after seeing this.

It was strange to him that he wished to be Victoire. To be loved and treated so adoringly by Teddy. He glanced at his plate, which was now empty, although dinner had only started twenty minutes ago, he wasn't hungry.

Scorpius had been glanced at him in concern, nudging Fred to get him to notice James' strange behaviour.

  
James looked down at his plate, before he stood.

  
"I'm going to the library." He muttered before he disappeared before anyone could say something, not caring that Scorpius and Fred gave each other worried looks. Teddy had glanced up from Victoire and frowned, watching the auburn haired boy walking away.

  
James sighed as he reached the library, strolling through the sections, before stopping in the DADA section, seeing his younger brother sitting alone. He sat next to Albus, who looked up from his book before smiling.

  
"Hey, James. How's school been so far?"

  
James sighed.

  
"Troublesome. Boring. The usual."

  
Albus grinned.

  
"McGonagall caught you for a prank?"

  
"No. Dad said to wait for a big enough prank to get Minnie involved until December."

  
"Ah."

  
"How have you been, oh brother of mine?" James raised his eyebrow.

  
"Oh I'm fine. Great actually." Albus smiled softly and James snorted.

  
"Who's the girl?"

  
Albus jumped and stared at James wide eyed.

  
"W-what?"

  
"Who's the girl?" James repeated in a deadpan.

  
"I-ugh..." Albus groaned. "It's a girl in my charms class. She's a ravenclaw. Her name's Clary Finnegan."

  
"Seamus's kid?"

  
"Yeah."

  
James nodded.

  
"What about you? Fred and Scorpius said you'd been acting weird for weeks. Is everything alright?" Albus stared at James with a concerned look.

  
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. Don't worry, little bro. Just the NEWTs pressure."

  
Albus didn't look convinced but he dropped it.

  
James sighed.

  
Why did every conversation he had had since he realized he loved Teddy have to be so awkward? Why was James so tense all the time? Couldn't he just act normal?

  
He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths to try to calm himself. Opening them, he glanced at Albus, who was engrossed in his book.

  
"I've got to go, Al."

  
Albus glanced up, his face a picture of concern.

  
"You sure you're okay?"

  
James nodded frantically, needing air. He turned and tried not to run from the library so madam Pince wouldn't yell at him.   
Even Fred and Scorpius couldn't find him for the rest of the day.

 


	13. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't smile and play along because the truth is, I'm tired  
> ~A Cinderella Story

**James**

James had calmed down slightly and had sat down by the shore of the Black Lake, staring at the ripples in the water. It was late, he knew curfew was close, but the talk with Albus made him panic. It wasn't panic that Albus would hate him for being gay, but that he'd hate him for loving their god-brother. His mind went back to Teddy. Teddy, who was in love with someone else. He stared at the ripples of the lake, watching the pattern of the water, trying to think of anything but Teddy.

He didn't hear the footsteps until two people sat on either side of him. He looked up to see Scorpius and Fred sitting on either side of him, looking extremely concerned.

  
"You didn't eat anything for dinner. James, seriously, what is going on. Are you still thinking about being gay?" Scorpius stared at James, who had gone back to staring at the water.

  
"No." He mumbled.

  
"Then what is it, mate? You're worrying us." Fred asked.

  
James closed his eyes.

  
"Have you ever been in love with someone who loves someone else, who doesn't love you back?"

  
His two best friends were silent.

  
"Because it feels like I'm hugging a cactus. And I can't let go, and the tighter I hug, the more it hurts. But I can't let go..." His voice trailed off, cracking at the end, his eyes flickered to his friends, both of which were staring at him, Fred in shock, and Scorpius in sympathy.

  
"And I'm supposed to sit here and watch as he falls more in love and it feels like someone's stabbing me with a knife?"

  
Scorpius laid a hand on James' shoulder.

  
"We'll be here for you, James."

  
James stared at him.

  
"It's not like a stab wound you can protect me from, Scorpius. It's... It's like I'm getting a million tiny paper cuts every day I see him. I'm just... Merlin, I'm so tired... So bloody tired..." James leaned his head on Fred's shoulder, closing his eyes. Fred sighed. He'd never seen James this sad, not even when his first owl died.

  
Scorpius was silent, his grey blue eyes watching James as he leaned on Fred sleeping.

Fred sighed softly.

  
"I've never seen him so sad... He's always so happy. He wasn't even this sad when Aquila died. Who do you think he likes?"

  
Scorpius sighed.

  
"It's a hunch, but I think it's Teddy."

  
Fred frowned.

  
"That's got to be painful, seeing as he's always with Victoire."

  
"Yeah... It probably is. It's late, we should wake him and go back to the dorm."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make way too many Mortal Instruments references whoops


	14. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're only human. You don't have to hold it together every minute of every day  
> ~Bride Wars

**James**

The next day was awkward to say the least. Scorpius and Fred seemed to be treading on eggshells around James, which was just annoying. James was starting to regret his breakdown.

  
"Look, can you stop bloody walking on eggshells? I'm sorry I had a breakdown in front of you guys but this is just getting annoying." James growled.

  
"James, what happened at the lake doesn't need an apology. You're only human. You can't hold everything in forever. And I'm sorry, we're just worried." Scorpius said quietly.

  
"Well don't be. I'm not bloody crying like a fifteen year old girl. I can handle myself."

  
Fred grinned slightly.

  
"But once you do start crying like a fifteen year old girl, can we start worrying?"

  
"Why you little-"

  
"James."

  
James froze as he heard Teddy's voice behind them. He slowly turned, seeing Teddy there, surprisingly alone, seeing as Victoire had been glued to him ever since they had started dating.

  
"Can we talk?"

  
James blinked and then glanced at Fred and Scorpius, who were staring at him worriedly. They knew about his crush now, and they were silently asking if he'd be okay. He shrugged at them before glancing at Teddy. His hair was a dark red today, his eyes the same Amber they always were.

  
"Sure."

  
Teddy turned and strode off, James glancing over his shoulder at Fred and Scorpius before he followed. Teddy led them into an abandoned classroom, shutting the door before he turned, his arms crossed.

  
"Why have you been avoiding me?"

  
James tensed.

  
"Avoiding you? I haven't been avoiding you." He kept his eyes on the floor.

  
"Yes you have. You haven't spoken with me ever since the train ride, and ditched me at Hogsmeade. James, what the bloody hell is going on?"

  
James frowned.

  
"Nothing."

  
"It seems like a hell of a lot of nothing to me, James. I'm your best friend. Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?"

  
James looked up and glared at Teddy, noticing Teddy's shocked face.

  
"You want to know what? Ever since you started dating Victoire, it's always Victoire did this, Victoire did that, isn't Victoire beautiful, blah blah blah. You never met me and Fred and Scorpius at the usual place, always saying Victoire wanted to do something."

  
Teddy frowned.

  
"She's my girlfriend, James."

  
"That doesn't mean you have to spend every minute of every day with her! You could spend some time with your friends! With me! God damn it, Teddy, we miss hanging with you! I miss hanging with you!"

  
Teddy was frozen in shock at James yelling.

  
"But you obviously care more about your bloody girlfriend than you do about your friendships." James snapped, turning on his heel and walked out the door, slamming it behind him and went to find Fred and Scorpius.

 


	15. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hearts are breakable. And I think even when you heal, you're never what you were before  
> ~city of fallen angels

**James**

"So you just stormed out?" Scorpius asked with a raised eyebrow.

  
"He was pissing me off, so yes."

  
"James, you didn't give him a chance to speak. Merlin, he could have been going to say that he would spend more time with us." Scorpius rolled his eyes.

  
James groaned, banging his head on the desk in front of him.

  
"I'm not good with this stuff."

  
Fred laughed.

  
"What happened to the lady's man?"

  
"He went to hell." James mumbled into the desk and Fred burst out laughing.

  
"Oh poor Jaime. Fell out of a straight tree, hit every branch and landed down gay." Fred snickered.

  
"I will cut you." James glared.

  
"Isn't that what American girls say to each other?" Fred asked Scorpius.

  
Scorpius shrugged.

  
"I think."

  
The three were sitting in the Gryffindor common room at a table in the corner. James noticed that Teddy was sitting with Victoire by the fire, but they looked to be arguing. Lovers Spat, most likely.

  
"So, James, when are you going to tell your family?" Scorpius asked.

  
"Tell them I'm gay? Or that I'm in love with my god brother?"

  
"That you're gay."

  
James sighed.

  
"I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready yet. What will they think?"

  
"Jaime, we're your family. We'll love you and accept you just the way you are." Fred smiled.

  
"But..."

  
"Nope. We're all going to love you for who you are. "

  
James groaned.

  
"How long until Christmas?"

  
Scorpius glanced at the notice board where a calendar was tacked up.

  
"Three weeks. Are you still going to the Burrow?"

  
Fred nodded.

  
"Of course! Who wouldn't want Grandma Weasley's Christmas feast!"

  
The three boys' attention all snapped towards the fire as Victoire got up and stormed up the stairs of the girls dormitory, leaving Teddy sitting on the couch, his fists clenched. James looked at Teddy, worried for his crush. Teddy flexed his hands, before he shook his head, his hair having turned black, showing he was angry. His hair turned the blue James always loved again and he stood up, walking towards the three boys.

  
"Hey, mates." He glanced briefly at James before looking at Scorpius and Fred.

  
"Heya, Teddy. How's it going?" Fred asked.

  
"Okay. I'm sorry I haven't hung out with you lot lately. I've been really caught up with Victoire and head boy duties. I'm sorry. But I have time now." His eyes flickered to James again, almost as though he was trying to send a silent message.

  
James looked at his hands in his lap, taking a deep breath to calm his rapidly beating heart, before looking at Teddy. He was watching him, waiting for some type of answer.

  
"We've missed you, you twat. Next time, remember who your friends are." James grinned, although it was slightly forced, and gestured to a chair next to Scorpius.

  
Scorpius glanced at James and frowned, probably knowing his grin was fake.

  
James couldn't hide from his two best friends any more, they knew he was hurting. They just didn't know what to do about it.

  
James shook his head, smiling slightly at Scorpius. He was hurting, and his smiles were usually forced or fake. He didn't laugh as much any more. James wasn't the usual James anymore. And that terrified him.

 


	16. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay  
> ~Simple Plan

**James**

Teddy had been hanging out with them for the past two week and James couldn't get comfortable no matter how hard he tried. Yes, it was great to have the next generation Marauders all together again, but it was hard to be around someone you were in love with, but they were dating someone else. Although, maybe it was just him, but James had started to notice Teddy and Victoire were avoiding each other, and whenever they were together, they were always arguing. He didn't really think much of it, as all couples had their arguments, but it gave him a little hope.

  
"So, what's the next prank on the agenda?" Fred asked. They were currently sprawled around the sixth year dormitory.

  
Teddy grinned.

  
"I've got an idea."

  
"Oh do tell, Rainbow Boy." James got up and mock bowed.

  
He had been trying for the last week to act more like himself, which was working, but it was only to try to stop Scorpius and Fred from worrying and to make sure Teddy never noticed.

  
"You know how George told us how he'd wanted to make the Slytherin's hair red and gold back when he was in school?"

Teddy's grin widened.

  
"You don't mean-?" Fred sat up, his eyes wide and a grin starting on his face.

  
"Yeah. I figured out how to do it."

  
Fred laughed.

  
"You're awesome, you know that?"

  
Teddy laughed and glanced at James.

  
"No, but tell me, how awesome am I?"

  
James laughed.

  
"Awesomest of all awesome."

  
Scorpius laughed at the three.

  
"You're all idiots. Now, what's the plan, Teddy?"

  
Teddy grinned and started explaining.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The four were sitting in the Great Hall for dinner. Every once in a while, one would glance subtly at the Slytherin table. After McGonagall gave her little opening thing she always did before every meal, everyone started eating. Suddenly, there was a shriek coming from the Slytherin table. All eyes went to the table, and there was a moment of silence before the entire student body burst out laughing.

The whole Slytherin table was a mess of red and gold hair. James cracked up laughing. Teddy was laughing, sitting beside him. James stiffened and went silent when Teddy, who was laughing so hard he was nearly crying, leaned on James to keep himself from falling over. Scorpius glanced at the two, seeing James reaction and was about to lean over and place a hand on James' shoulder when James stood up amid the galls of laughter. Teddy looked at him in concern, as did Scorpius and Fred, but he brushed it off.

  
"Bathroom." He mumbled, rushing off into the closest washroom he could find. Standing in front of the sink, he gripped the edges, staring at his reflection.

  
"He's got a girlfriend. Merlin, why am I acting like a bloody girl?" James mumbled to himself.

  
"Why did this have to happen to me?"

  
He nearly screamed when a voice came from behind him.

  
"Why does what have to happen to you?"

 


	17. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Numbing the pain for a while will only make it worse when you finally feel it  
> ~Harry Potter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is pretty short but I'm kinda stressing out over my college classes and homework so bare with me here

**James**

James whirled around to see Teddy standing there, his hair a shade of purple, the purple James always knew Teddy had when he was confused.

  
"What always happens to you, James?" Teddy prodded, stepping towards the younger boy.

James backed up, his back hitting the sink, and he cursed himself internally for not moving away from the sinks.

  
"Nothing."

  
"It's obviously something if you had to bolt out of the Great Hall like a bat from hell."

  
"Teddy, honestly, it's nothing."

  
Teddy scowled.

  
"I thought we told each other everything. What happened?"

  
"Look, it's my personal problem and I don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone." James snapped, not wanting to be in here alone with Teddy for too long.

He pushed past Teddy, noticing the hurt look on Teddy's face. His heart felt restricted. He didn't want to hurt Teddy, but this was becoming too much.

  
He ran through the halls, skidding into an abandoned classroom, his knees giving out and sinking to his knees. His hands trembled and his heart was thudding a mile a minute. He wasn't really sure why he was so emotional right now, but he felt tears building up in his eyes, knowing that his dad had been right. Numbing the pain made it worse when you finally felt it. And it hurt. It hurt terribly. Not physically, but emotionally and mentally.

  
James sat on the floor, letting the tears fall.

  
Why couldn't he be normal? Why did he have to fall for his best friend, his straight best friend? Why did he have to fall for his god brother? Why did he have to be gay? When would the pain stop?

  
He curled up into a ball, his head between his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs and sat there, trying to calm down. It was almost curfew, and he didn't have the cloak with him. It would be a mess if Filch caught him out after curfew.

  
James took a deep breath, running a hand over his face and through his hair. He hoped his eyes weren't puffy like they become when you cry a lot. Scorpius and Fred would notice it right away.

  
Taking a few more deep breaths, he strode out of the room, trying to keep his mind off a certain rainbow haired boy.

 


	18. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are only strong to a certain point. We can only bend so far before we break  
> ~ anonymous

**James**

It was the day before they left for home and James could clearly see there was something wrong between Teddy and Victoire. They never talked anymore or spent time together, and when their eyes met by passing, they'd look away quickly. James knew it was stupid but could those two be fighting, maybe he had a chance. A stupid thought, considering Teddy being straight and all, but a guy can hope.

  
"James! There you are!"

  
James slowed down his walk to the courtyard to let Teddy catch up with him.

  
"Are you ready to go home?" Teddy was grinning James' favourite smile, that wide, crooked one that showed all his teeth.

  
"Yeah. Although mum is probably going to kill me for that prank on Slytherin's. Detention for a month with McGonagall of all people. How does that woman have time to spend watching my detentions if she's the bloody headmistress?

 

Teddy laughed.

  
"I suppose she sets aside a special time for you. You know she finds the jokes funny even if she punishes you for it."

  
"But it was your idea!"

  
"Yes, but I'm the head boy, so she can't punish me as much. I got a warning letter though."

  
James glared at him.

  
"Oh boy! A letter! I got a month of cleaning up old textbooks and making sure they're 'in working condition' so students can use them! If I have to see another textbook, I'll scream."

  
"Good thing classes are over, then." Teddy joked cheerfully.

  
James smiled at him. Although it still was uncomfortable to be alone with Teddy, it had become easier, since Teddy was clearly fighting with Victoire. It was easier not to feel like he was being stabbed, and more that he had a bunch of paper cuts in his heart. Though it wasn't much better, it was enough for James to try.

  
James glanced around the courtyard. The courtyard looked beautiful during this time of year, frost and snow covered the area, making it glitter under the stars and moon. It was times he spent walking in silence with Teddy that he noticed these things. The beauty in things. He didn't normally care for it, but now it was captivating. But what was more captivating was Teddy, who seemed to sparkle along with the snow.

  
James blinked to focus on something else before he started staring and Teddy would notice.

  
Teddy glanced at James and smiled lightly.

  
"The snow seems to be glittering."

  
James mumbled a response and nodded. It was still so hard to be alone with Teddy.

  
"I've got to meet up with Scorpius and Fred." He lied, looking at Teddy, whose hair turned a deep blue and he frowned at James.

  
"Oh. Okay. I'll see you on the train, I guess." Teddy sighed.

  
James nodded and hurried away.

  
Merlin, he'd been so stupid not to say that sooner. It was a very bad idea to stay that long alone with Teddy. James' heart raced. Teddy had looked so beautiful under the stars, almost glittering like the snow. Bloody hell...

  
He whipped around the corner, running towards the Gryffindor tower. He needed a break, relaxation time. Something to get his mind of the image of Teddy and how beautiful he was out there.

  
James could feel it, he was cracking. How long before he really broke, he didn't know. But the fact that Teddy was always around did not help.

 


	19. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be  
> ~The Perks of Being a Wallflower

**James**

James sighed and glanced out the train window. They were pulling up into King's Criss, and he was scanning the crowd for his parents. Fred was across from him, struggling with his trunk, and Scorpius was next to him, laughing at Fred's predicament.

  
Teddy was next to Fred, and James had been trying with all his might not to stare at him and drool.

  
He had changed into his muggle clothing, which consisted of black ripped jeans, a muggle band t-shirt, James had heard of them. Imagine Dragons, he recalled. Teddy had his combat boots on the seat across from him and was reclining back in the seat.

  
"You need help there, Freddie?"

  
Fred grunted at Teddy who snickered and started fiddling with the lip piercing he had. James had noticed Teddy had taken it off most of the year, which was strange because James knew Teddy loved wearing all his piercings, and James loved the way he looked in them.

  
"Oi , I see you put all your piercings back in." James pointed out.

  
"Oh, yeah. Victoire said my lip piercing was annoying to kiss with, and something else. I took it out for a while, but it's break so I thought why not."

  
"What happened with the ear piercings, though?"

  
Teddy sighed.

  
"Same thing. Victoire didn't like them."

  
"If she doesn't like the way you look, why are you with her?" Scorpius asked.

  
"It's complicated. Let's get out of here." Teddy seemed to be evading the question, which made James suspicious.

  
He grabbed his trunk and owl cage and dragged it out of the compartment, followed by Scorpius and Fred who was swearing under his breath after dropping his trunk on his foot.

  
James glanced around the crowd, finally spotting his family. Albus and Lily were already there, Lily chattering away to their mum and Albus quietly talking to their dad. Teddy was striding through the crowd towards them, his hair a bubblegum pink.

  
James laughed because that meant Teddy was extremely excited and happy. Over the years, James had memorized the different colors Teddy's hair would change with his different emotions.

  
James looked over at his family to see Albus and Teddy talking and his father stood there, staring at him with a grin on his face. Out of the three children, he and his father were the closest. His father had always been there for him and the one to laugh at his jokes even if they were terrible, to be patient when he got in trouble, to understand him. Not that his mother wasn't a great mum, it was just that she was closer to Albus and Lily.

  
"Hey, Jaime! How's your year been going? We got a letter last week. I see you've made Uncle George's dream come true." Harry laughed, pulling James in for a hug. James rolled his eyes.

  
"I can already hear Uncle George's dramatic sobs that he wasn't there for it."

 

Harry pulled away and shook his head.

  
"Oh I was there to see that performance. If he didn't love the joke shop so much, I'd suggest he be an actor. I honestly thought he was _really_ crying when I came to the shop with the letter. That is, until Angelina smacked him over the head."

  
"Aunt Angie always ruins his fun." James shook his head, laughing at his crazy uncle's antics.

  
"Nah, she just told him he was being a bit dramatic for a man and started laughing when he started actually crying. Once again, she's damaged his manhood."

  
"Oh poor uncle George..."

  
Harry laughed.

  
"How bout we get home? Have a nice cuppa and talk about the school year so far?" Harry laid his hand on James shoulder, steering him away from the train. He noticed Fred with his family laughing hysterically and Scorpius talking to his mother with a small smile on his face as she laughed.

  
He glanced back at his family. Teddy was now talking with Ginny who was laughing at something he had said.

  
James sighed softly. Two weeks in the same house as Teddy, no even harder. The same room. Thank god Scorpius and Fred will be there tomorrow night for Grandma Weasley's welcome home dinner.

 


	20. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart  
> ~Mockingjay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a part at the end where I'm paraphrasing the poem 'Just Friends' by Lang Leav. This is the poem:  
> I know that I don't own you  
> and perhaps I never will  
> so my anger when you're with her  
> I have no right to feel  
> I know that you don't owe me  
> and I shouldn't ask for more  
> I shouldn't feel so let down  
> all the times when you don't call  
> What I feel, I shouldn't show you  
> so when you're around I won't  
> I know I've no right to feel it  
> but it doesn't mean i don't

**James**

It was almost time for the big welcome home dinner when James walked in on Victoire and Teddy talking quietly to each other in the living room. The familiar feeling of burning anger seemed to come, although it was the most ridiculous thing to feel. He had just thought there wouldn't be any more super intimate moments between those two in places where anyone could see. He backed out of the room and went to find his dad.

  
"Oh, James, could you help me for a minute here?"

  
He looked up to see Grandma Weasley holding some silverware. Nodding at her, he helped her set the table, discretely drooling at the smell of all the food on the long table.

  
"Thank you, dear. Would you be a help and go tell everyone dinner is ready?"

  
James nodded and left to go inform everyone that dinner was ready. It took some time to find every single family member, seeing as the family had like twenty people, but once he had, he sat down in his place next to Fred and Scorpius. Even if Scorpius's family had had issues with James', he was always welcome at the Burrow.

  
Everyone was there, Bill and Fleur with their kids Dominique and Louis, who both went to Beauxbatons in France and Victoire, Percy and Audrey with their daughters, fifth year Gryffindor Molly and Lucy, a first year ravenclaw, George and Angelina with their daughter Roxanne who was a third year hufflepuff and Fred, Ron and Hermione with Rose who was a fifth year ravenclaw and Hugo, who was a second year Gryffindor, James' family, Teddy, and Scorpius.

  
"So, how has school been going for all of you?" Grandpa Weasley asked, looking around at all the kids.

  
"Oh, it's been amazing! Its been snowing a lot in France lately so we haven't had Herbology in a few weeks, but it's all very fun." Dominique gushed.

  
Louis rolled his eyes.

  
"It's not that much fun."

  
"Well that's because you don't pay attention in classes enough to see that it is!" Dominique shot back.

  
"Okay! Enough of that." Victoire laughed.

  
"I've been working on things for graduation. It's all very exciting."

  
Hermione laughed.

  
"I remember doing that back in sixth year. What are you going to do after?"

  
Victoire smiled.

  
"Maybe a Healer."

  
James groaned softly. Just another thing that would make Victoire more perfect.

  
"Teddy, what about you? How's Head Boy duties going and all? Haven't been caught in one of the new Marauders pranks, have you?" Ron joked.

  
"No, not yet. Although they've managed to pull off some spectacular ones lately. Head Boy business is all boring. I can't wait to get started on Auror training."

  
Harry grinned.

  
"You'll have a while to go before that starts."

  
Everyone was chattering away, talking about school and about work and such until someone asked James.

  
"James, how's school been for you? I never got a chance to ask last night, you passed out on your bed right after getting home." Harry laughed.

  
"Oh, same old, same old. Boring classes, pranks to do, the lot."

  
"Did you seriously turn the Slytherin's hair red and gold?" George cackled.

  
"Yeah. It was great! Although detention for a month wasn't." Fred laughed.

  
Scorpius glanced at James who was staring at his plate silently, remembering that argument he had had with Teddy.

  
"Oh, Teddy! How are things with Victoire and you?" Grandma Weasley smiled at the two, who were now sitting there, awkwardly glancing at each other.

  
"Um... We're... I mean... We broke up." Teddy scratched the back of his head, his hair turning green in embarrassment.

  
The table went silent, everyone staring back and forth at the two. James froze. Could it be? Was this real? Or a dream?

  
"When?" Bill demanded.

  
"Last week. It was a mutual decision." Victoire cut it.

  
"Ah. Anymore surprises tonight?"

  
James wasn't sure what prompted him to do it. He must have been slipped fire whiskey or something, because never in his right mind would he had thought about don't this, but it happened so fast he didn't realise he had said it.

  
"I'm gay."

  
Everyone turned to stare at him.

  
James froze. No. What had he done? James stood up, his chair falling into the floor, not caring if it broke. He turned, dashing out the door, not stopping to seeing if anyone followed. He ran, cursing himself. What had he done? Now the whole family was going to be disgusted by him.

  
He slumped down under a tree on the hill overlooking the Burrow. He could see the lights coming from the window, but there wasn't anyone coming out to look for him, which was just fine. It didn't matter that it was snowing. He'd kindly freeze to death than go back and face them.

  
He looked at the sky. The stars were so bright tonight.

  
Stars. That reminded him of Teddy. Teddy, who wasn't dating Victoire anymore. Then what was that moment in the living room? He knew he shouldn't be thinking like this. He didn't own Teddy. And he probably never would. It just that they were being so intimate in the living room and it made him angry. But he really had no right to feel angry. Teddy didn't owe him, he shouldn't keep asking for more time together, for more of anything. He really shouldn't feel so let down when Teddy wouldn't hang out with them. He knew it wouldn't be a good thing to ever show his true feelings for Teddy, which was hard to do but he still tried not to. He really didn't have any right to feel that way for Teddy, who was his god brother. But it didn't mean he didn't. It didn't mean he didn't feel so hurt, so sad and scared. So alone. Was this what falling in love was like? Because it was painful. And James really didn't want to experience it. Maybe he'd be better off here, under this tree, no more worries. It wouldn't hurt so much. To just disappear into a forest. Not have to deal with the pain that came with falling in love.

  
James laughed at himself. Merlin, he was going insane.

  
He closed his eyes. Why had he said anything? Why hadn't he kept his mouth shut? Everyone will be disgusted by him now, will hate him. Even if Scorpius and Fred wouldn't, what about his family?

  
Maybe he should just stay here for a while. It was better than going back to see their reactions.

 


	21. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has a part of themselves that they hide, even from the people they love the most  
> ~The Amazing Spider-Man 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is gonna be a bit different! It starts out third person but shifts to Teddy's pov! First time for Teddy's pov woohoo!

**Third person POV**

The room was silent. James abruptly stood up, his chair banging on the floor, and he sprinted out of the house. Scorpius and Fred rose to follow him, but thought better of it. They knew James needed time alone.

  
Everyone was confused and shocked.

  
"Why did he never say anything?" Harry whispered, his eyes wide. "Doesn't he trust us?"

  
Scorpius sighed.

  
"He trusts you. It's just... He wasn't sure if you'd understand him."

  
Mrs. Weasley frowned.

  
"But he must know we still love him even if he loves another man?"

  
"It's not my place to talk about this really. James hid it from everyone, even Fred and I for a while until we realized it. He loves you all, he just couldn't tell you, for his reasons, I'm not sure."

  
Ginny sighed.

  
"Teddy, maybe you should go get him. It's snowing and he ran out without a coat. I don't want him getting sick."

  
Teddy nodded and stood up, he pulled his coat on, buttoning it, and started out the door when he heard Albus ask "So it's okay to love the same gender?" And Harry responding with "love is love."

**Teddy**

  
Teddy smiled slightly, turning and trudging out into the now heavily snowing air. He looked around, where was James?

That was when he noticed a small speck up on the hill, under the big willow tree. He ran up the steep hill until he was directly behind James. He was sitting in the snow, shivering, his knees pulled up to his chest and staring at the stars.

  
"James?"

  
James didn't show any recognition that he had heard Teddy.

  
"Jaime?"

  
James sighed loudly and turned his head towards Teddy.

  
"They hate me, don't they?" His voice cracked and Teddy cringed at seeing James with tear tracks on his face and his eyes showing so much pain.

  
"No, Jaime. They'd never hate you for this. We're family, and we love you no matter what."

  
James looked at him.

  
"Do you hate me?"

  
Teddy frowned.

  
"Why would I hate you?"

  
"No reason." James mumbled, standing up and brushing the snow off his jeans. He turned and discretely wiped his eyes and face before he marched down the hill, not glancing at Teddy. Teddy followed, wondering what was up. James walked through the back door and up the steps, before he paused and turned towards Teddy.

  
"Tell them I'm in my room and am too tired to talk." Before he disappeared up the landing.

  
Teddy sighed. Why was it that nowadays, James put a wall up and isolated himself from him? What had he done? And why didn't James ever tell him about him being gay? Why did he hide it?

  
Sure, it was just worrying about his best friend. That was all it was.

 


	22. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not  
> ~my sisters keeper

**James**

James sat on his bed, his knees pulled up under his chin. He'd made a horrible mistake. What did everyone think of him now? Did they hate him? He hoped to merlin they didn't.

  
He wondered absently how he would act when he went back to school. It wasn't easy to go back to school after revealing your darkest secret to your entire family.

  
James looked up when he heard footsteps coming towards the door.

  
His father entered, a deep frown on his face. James felt his whole body tense. Would he be disowned? Kicked out of the house? Hated?

  
"James, why didn't you tell us earlier?" Harry's voice was almost a whisper.

  
James gulped.

  
"B-because... I was scared..." His voice was quiet, and he stared down at his hands.

  
Harry sat down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. James looked at his father, trying to find a sign that everything was going to be okay in the end.

  
"Jaime, we don't care if you're gay. That's just who you are. Same as if you were transgender or bisexual. We all still love you for who you are. It doesn't matter if you love a man."

  
James felt tears starting to fall down his face. Harry sighed and smiled comfortingly. He wrapped an arm around James and hugged him, placing James' face on his shoulder. James sobbed, letting everything that he had been holding in for the last four months out on his father's shoulder.

  
This was one of the things he loved and admired about his father. In situations like this, his father knew when people needed a shoulder to cry on. Maybe he had a sixth sense for it, but it made James feel immensely better to know his father still loved him even though he loved a man.

  
"Hey, look on the bright side. This means I won't get any mischievous grandchildren from you. Lord knows those kids would be holy terrors." Harry joked half-heartedly, trying to cheer James up.

  
James laughed weakly. Maybe it would all be okay. He had his father and best friends to confide to.

  
"There's still adoption." He joked back.

  
Harry gasped dramatically.

  
"Oh dear merlin, I'm going to die young because of you."

  
James laughed again.

  
"Let's go back downstairs, yeah? Grandma was just about to serve dessert. You know her desserts always make you happy." Harry smiled lightly at James before standing up, offering a hand to James to pull him up.

  
"It's okay. We still love you, no matter what."

Harry turned and walked out of the door. James stood there, trying to collect himself. It wasn't much, but he had one more person he knew that would be his rock.

 


	23. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I loved you since I met you, but I wouldn't allow myself to truly feel it until today  
> ~If Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO Another chapter in Teddy's POV!!!!

**Teddy**

Teddy was extremely confused for the rest of dinner. Why hadn't James told him he was gay? Weren't they best friends? Best friends didn't keep secrets, right? Well, he couldn't exactly talk, what with him telling James about his and Victoire's relationship at the same time he told the family, even though he and Victoire had been together for a week before that. But still, did James not trust him? Or was it something else?

  
Teddy looked at his plate and pushed the food around, not hungry anymore.

  
Mrs.Weasley saw him pushing his food around and frowned at him.

  
"Teddy, dear, you should eat more. You're so thin."

  
Teddy looked up.

  
"Oh, no, Grandma Weasley, I'm just not that hungry."

  
"But dear..."

  
"It's fine, Grandma Weasley."

  
Everyone was watching the exchange except Victoire, who was pointedly looking at her food with an almost fixated interest.

  
"Can I be excused? I'm not that hungry."

Teddy waited for Mrs.Weasley to nod before pushing his chair out from the table and walked out of the dining room, making his way to the stairs that led to his room. Well, his and James' room. He barely looked up as Harry and James passed by him, chatting softly as they went. Teddy sighed as he closed the bedroom door behind him and collapsed onto his bed. He closed his eyes, trying not to scream in frustration.

  
Opening his eyes, he looked around the room. James's things were scattered all over the floor. His quidditch quaffle that George had given him for his birthday was laying on James's bed. Teddy didn't realize he was smiling affectionately at the way James kept the thing on his bed all the time because he was afraid he'd lose it if he didn't.

  
Teddy blinked. Why was he thinking about this? His mind was so muddled.

  
He closed his eyes, wanting to sleep off the frustration. But the dream he had made everything more confusing.

  
He was standing under the tree by the Black Lake, the beautiful willow tree James and he used to sit and talk under. It was snowing, the snow layered the ground, and sparkled in the setting sun.

  
"Teddy!"

  
He spun around, seeing James running towards him with a big grin on his face.

  
"James." Teddy breathed out his name.

  
James seemed to glow under the dying rays of light, like the snow under his feet.

  
"Hey, I've been looking for you for an hour. You know, it's not good to be out in the snow when you're only wearing your school robes. You'll catch a cold, as Grandma Weasley says. Not that I listen to her that much, but still. Don't want you sneezing all over me." James was rambling.

  
Teddy smiled affectionately.

  
"What? Do I have something on my face?" James noticed Teddy watching him. Teddy shook his head.

  
"You know, the stars are much brighter in the winter than they are in the summer?" James looked up at the sky.

  
Teddy didn't know what he was doing. All he focused on was how beautiful James looked under the stars.

  
"I think I..."

  
Teddy woke up with a start. He looked around the bedroom, which was still empty. He let out a breath and ran a hand through his hair agitatedly.

  
He had feelings for James.

 


	24. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being the one human being I could count on in this world  
> ~the perks of being a wallflower

**James**

It was Christmas Eve, and James didn't feel the cheer really. No matter what happened, Uncles George, Ron, Charlie and Bill getting drunk off firewhiskey and singing Christmas carols at the top of their lungs didn't even make him happier. All he could think about was going back to Hogwarts knowing that Teddy now knew his biggest secret. Would Teddy realise how James felt for him? Would he be disgusted?

  
"James, do you want some cake?"

  
James looked up at the voice. Molly stood there, holding out a plate, a concerned look on her face as she smiled gently at him. Out of all his cousins, Molly was the one he was closest to, after Fred.

  
He grabbed the plate and stood up.

  
"Thanks, Molls."

  
"Are you okay? I mean, with all this sexuality shit going on, you know?" She glanced at him and smiled again.

  
"Yeah. I guess I'm okay. At least the family knows and they don't hate me for it. That was a big concern. So... I guess I'm okay." James was lying.

  
"Okay, good." Molly stood up, patting his shoulder gently and left the kitchen. James sighed.

  
He stood up, moving into the living room. Teddy sat on the couch, staring blankly at his plate of cake.

  
"You know, its not going to disappear no matter how long you stare at it." James leaned against the doorframe, raising an eyebrow.

  
Teddy started a bit, but his eyes didn't look up at James. James moved towards Teddy and sat next to him. It was a bit uncomfortable, but something was obviously troubling Teddy and James didn't like it.

  
"What's up?"

  
Teddy's eyes shifted to look at James from underneath his turquoise bangs.

  
"Why didn't you tell me?"

  
James blinked before he realised what Teddy meant.

  
"I mean... That you're gay? Aren't we best friends? Did you not... Did you not trust me? Was it because-"

  
"I didn't tell you because I was terrified. I didn't even tell Fred or Scorpius, they found out, or guessed, I'm not really sure. Teddy-I trust you. I do. I just... Didn't know if anyone would understand."

  
Teddy closed his eyes.

  
"I would have."

  
James furrowed his eyebrows. What did that mean?

  
He tried to switch topics to something lighter, he had had enough depressing thoughts going around his head, and he didn't need to have any more.

  
"You got accepted into the Auror program, didn't you? I think I heard dad say something."

  
Teddy smiled for the first time tonight that James had seen.

  
"Yeah. I start as soon as school ends."

  
"I hope you don't end up tripping over something and dying while training. Dad always said you were clumsier than your mum." James nudged Teddy in the side.

  
Teddy laughed, stabbing at his cake.

  
"I'll try not to."

  
James smiled. His heart may hurt whenever he was around Teddy, but sitting here in the living room, awash in the Christmas tree lights next to Teddy, Teddy's thigh pressed against James', he felt content. Teddy was there, and he didn't care about James's sexuality. He was still James to Teddy. And that meant everything to James.

 


	25. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I fell in love the way you fall asleep, slowly then all at once  
> ~The Fault In Our Stars

**Teddy**

"And then he forgot that he wasn't even wearing pants, and went down to the common room in his boxers!"

  
Teddy laughed loudly as James told him a story about something that had happened to one of his dorm mates at Hogwarts.

  
"And you didn't even think to tell him he wasn't wearing pants?"

  
James shrugged.

  
"Too tired to try."

  
"Sure you were, Jamie."

  
James opened his mouth to speak, but instead let out a yawn. Teddy looked at the watch Harry had given him on his seventeenth birthday. It was almost midnight. James looked exhausted, but didnt move to head upstairs.

  
James just sighed heavily and moved around so his back was facing Teddy.

Teddy blinked and nearly jumped in surprise as James laid down, his head in Teddy's lap. He closed his eyes and sighed again, before blinking them open to stare up at Teddy.

  
"Is it okay if I sleep here?"

  
Teddy blinked, not processing the words for a few seconds before he shrugged, looking down at the black haired teen.   
James smiled sleepily and closed his eyes. Within a few seconds, his breathing evened out and Teddy knew he was asleep.

  
Teddy sighed. This wasn't unusual for the two, they always fell asleep on each other in comfortable places, but now Teddy was confused about his feelings for James and it just felt awkward. But James had looked so tired, and Teddy couldn't refuse a sleepy looking James, no matter how hard he tried.

  
Teddy sighed and began twisting his lip ring, a nervous habit he had picked up this year. He had multiple piercings, and a few tattoos, and when he had been dating Victoire, she complained that he looked like a metal man and it was unattractive of him to wear that many piercings. He didn't mind it then, but now that he thought about it, it was ridiculous of his girlfriend to have tried to make him change his appearance.

  
He smiled softly, thinking about how James had always said he looked hot with the piercings and tattoos. Probably meant it as a joke, but it was nice that someone thought the piercings and tattoos weren't unattractive.

  
Teddy looked down at James, who was breathing deeply in his sleep, his head turned into Teddy's stomach. It wasn't uncomfortable to sit here like this with James. It was familiar.

  
He reached down and began running his fingers through James' dark hair. He smiled as James made a content noise and smiled slightly in his sleep, shifting closer to Teddy's hand on his head. Teddy laughed quietly at how much James was like a cat.

  
The silence of the house made Teddy fell sleepy as well. He blinked slightly to stay awake, wanted to stay here with James and cuddle for a while. It sounded ridiculous in his head but he just really wanted to hold James for a bit. He closed his eyes and leaned back on the couch, shifting so both he and James were comfortable. As he fell asleep, he thought, maybe it was more than just a crush.

 


	26. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> have you ever felt that your heart contained so much that it must surely break apart?  
> ~City of heavenly fire

**Third Person POV**

James, Scorpius, Fred, and Teddy sat in a compartment on the train. Christmas vacation was over and it was time to head back to Hogwarts.

Scorpius and Fred frowned as they noticed both James and Teddy's silence. Usually, James would be cracking jokes and trying to make everyone laugh and Teddy would be rolling his eyes and grinning the whole time. But right now, James was staring at his hands as if they were the most interesting things in the universe and Teddy was staring out the window.

  
Teddy frowned slightly as his thoughts went back to his realisation about his feelings for James. It didn't help that James was his best friend. Teddy had tried to distance himself a little over the last few days. It hadn't really worked, and James obviously realised what Teddy was doing.

  
James stared down at his hands, deep in thought. Teddy was avoiding him, that was obvious. Was Teddy actually disgusted by James' sexuality? Or worse, had Teddy found out about James' feelings for him and was disgusted by them?

  
"Okay, what the bloody hell is going on with you two?" Fred's voice broke both of them out of their thoughts.

  
James stared at his best friend in confusion.

  
"What are you talking about?"

  
Fred rolled his eyes. Scorpius looked almost exasperated, whether it was at James and Teddy or at Fred wasn't clear.

  
"You've both been brooding ever since we got on the train. It's boring sitting here in silence because the two of you obviously had an argument or something."

  
"We didn't have an argument." Teddy blinked at Fred, extremely confused now.

  
"Then why in Merlin's name are you two sitting here brooding and refusing to look at each other?"

  
James sighed.

  
"I'm just thinking about things. It has nothing to do with Teddy nor am I 'brooding'. I just am wondering whether we should play a prank when we get back." James was lying through his teeth but Fred obviously accepted his answer and turned to raise an eyebrow at Teddy who shifted in his seat.

  
"McGonagall wants to see head boy and girl when we get back. I just don't want to have to go to her office and find out that there's another huge problem we have to fix, especially not with Ashley."

  
"Well, we are here, so you better go get that taken care of, Ted." Scorpius smiled sympathetically.

  
Teddy rolled his eyes and stood, adjusting his robes and swept out of the compartment.

  
James sighed and stood up too.

  
"James, what the hell happened between you and Teddy? Did you confess and he rejected you?" Fred rose an eyebrow at James, who visibly flinched at the thought.

"Sorry." Fred mumbled.

  
"It's fine. I-I don't know what happened. We fell asleep in the living room Christmas Eve like we used to do all the time and the next morning he's avoiding me like the Black Plague. Did-did he find out about my feelings and he's disgusted with me?" James said in a soft voice, his entire body hunching in on itself, making him look extremely vulnerable.

Fred and Scorpius looked at each other in concern. They both had no idea why Teddy was avoiding James. Scorpius put an arm around James and squeezed lightly.

  
"I'm sure that's not it. He's probably just stressed about his grades. Come on, let's get up to the castle and have some food."

  
James nodded slowly and let the two other boys lead him out of the train, not noticing the two exchange concerned looks above his head.


End file.
